SHOCKING: TECH MOGUL DITCHES MILLIONS TO SWEEP FOR BULGARIA IN CURLING GOLD RUSH!

In a turn of events that has left the tech world reeling and sports fans cheering, James Robert, the once high-flying CEO of TechNova Solutions, has reportedly sold his multi-million-dollar empire to chase a decidedly chillier dream: becoming the official broom guy for the Bulgarian national curling team. Yes, you read that right! As the Bulgarian team battles for gold at the International Curling Championships in frosty Oslo, Robert is sweeping—literally—onto the ice in a move that’s as slippery as it is sensational.

The Great Career Slide

Let’s rewind a bit. Just six months ago, James Robert was sipping espresso in Silicon Valley boardrooms, closing deals worth billions, and probably owning more smartwatches than most of us own socks. But sources close to the 38-year-old mogul claim he had an epiphany during a late-night binge of obscure sports documentaries. ‘Curling,’ he reportedly muttered to his goldfish, ‘that’s my calling.’

Fast forward to today, and Robert has sold TechNova for an undisclosed (but undoubtedly obscene) sum, packed a parka, and flown to Bulgaria to join a team of underdog curlers who, until recently, didn’t even know they needed a broom guy. Now, as the team fights tooth and nail—or rather, stone and broom—for gold, Robert is at the forefront, scrubbing ice like his life depends on it.

A Broom with a View

So, what exactly does a broom guy do? For the uninitiated, curling involves sliding heavy granite stones across ice while teammates frantically sweep the surface to control the stone’s speed and direction. It’s part science, part cardio, and apparently, all James Robert ever wanted in life.

‘I’ve never felt more alive than when I’m out there, broom in hand, helping my team glide to victory,’ Robert allegedly shouted over the roar of a crowd of 12 at a preliminary match. Bulgarian team captain, Ivan Stoyanov, couldn’t believe his luck. ‘At first, we thought he was crazy American tourist. But then he swept, and—how you say?—he swept us off our feet!’ Stoyanov chuckled, polishing his curling stone with pride.

Eyewitnesses on Ice

Spectators at the Oslo arena are equally baffled and delighted by Robert’s icy transformation. ‘I saw him out there, yelling “Sweep! Sweep!” like he was born on a glacier,’ said local fan Astrid Bjornsen, munching on a hot dog. ‘For a guy who probably never held a broom before, he’s got serious hustle.’

Even officials are weighing in on the bizarre career pivot. ‘We’ve never seen anything like this in curling history,’ said Lars Gustafsson, head referee of the International Curling Federation. ‘Most broom guys train for years, not... what, six weeks? But rules are rules, and if Bulgaria wants a tech tycoon on their team, who are we to say no?’ Gustafsson added with a smirk, ‘He’s certainly cleaning up out there.’

Gold Fever and Broom Dreams

As the Bulgarian team inches closer to the finals, the world watches with bated breath. Will James Robert’s unorthodox journey from boardroom to broom-room lead to a shiny gold medal? Or will this be the ultimate wipeout? One thing’s for sure: Robert’s story has inspired a wave of memes, with #SweepDreams trending worldwide.

Critics argue he’s in over his head, but supporters insist this is the ultimate underdog tale. ‘James is proof you can pivot at any age,’ gushed self-proclaimed life coach Tina Sparkle on social media. ‘From coding to curling, he’s sweeping away stereotypes!’

Whatever the outcome, James Robert has already won hearts—if not medals—with his sheer audacity. So, grab some hot cocoa, tune into the finals, and watch as this tech titan turned ice warrior proves that sometimes, the best way to slide into success is on a frozen rink with a broom in hand.